 ♥/volatility
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never ever tell me i can't wear heels that are too high just cos i'm tall. i'll roll my eyes at you.
its every woman's given right to wear heels. whether short tall fat skinny. whether you look good in it is another matter?;)
its a gorgeous morning...
... and i'm catching a cold in this weather? D:
seriously, fuck physics.
- 2009-11-18|12:06 p.m.
i have the largest inertia possibly imagined when it comes to physics revision.
i swear this world is ending because i'm taking A levels physics. physics and justina is like vegan and kobe beef, flame gunned. or maybe sheeps and lettuce. liverpool and old trafford,
someone make me laugh,
PLEASE! i'm taking life way too seriously. hahaha. 2009-11-16|9:45 a.m.
note to self.
bib dress paint splashed cardi no more auntie clothing.
i didn't chose the path called "different" just so that i can be excused from societal demands.
because i do work hard. maybe at the wrong time, at the wrong place, on the wrong things. people dont see it, but i don't really care.
yushi do i still owe you $10 for the class photos?
hello sushi. 2009-11-15|6:01 p.m.
they say you do A levels for your own sake,
uh-huh, what does for your own sake means? somehow its only applicable if you want to become a scholar/lawyer/doctor/engineer/architect (insert any "reputable job"). being a butcher is also reputable, he can tell whether a piece of meat is good for making steamed mince meat or good for making soup. being a hairdresser is also reputable, my hairdresser remembers me and knows the way i like my hair to be done....its just a matter of perspective. i never had a driving force to do well in my studies, yes, people nag about how its my duty to be a student blah blah blah. when i was in primary school, my mum made me do stacks of assessment books and exam papers. i cleared them by the stackloads, no, not because i can play after i finish my homework, or that if i did badly my parents will scold me, cos i dont rmb being scared about bad results. i just did my work without any purpose. after 12 years of formal education, i can tell you, i still have no idea what's my purpose of studying. sometimes i really do admire those people who study very hard, even though they may have no specific target, except that they "want to do well in A levels, so I can choose whereever i want to go." i used to think, maybe i'm doing it for my parents, so that they would not have to worry about retirement, but many things happened along the way, that made me realised that maybe it is not an unconditional love, it is an investment, worse when its a petty investment where you pool in so little resources and expect great returns. and if the investment fails, you just accept it cos there's no other way around it, are you going to kill yourself? no, duh. for a short period of time, i craved the comforts that financial stability and status may bring about.and maybe that should be my goal. and then i came to the realisation that, i don't really belong to that life, even if i had it, i wouldn't be happy. i'm not looking down on education, because it has equipped me with the awareness of liberty, amongst many other things. once again, i enforce that i enjoy learning, and i take pride in the fact that i am constantly aware of things happening around the world, constantly pursuing knowledge that interests me. but i also remembered an article i read in GP lesson, it mentioned that, you cannot say you know something, until you have sat down and memorised it, and that is the toughest lap in the pursuit of knowledge. so what is it that i want? so what if i have finished a major exam, what's ahead of me? more examinations... hahah, i kept saying i'll find it, i'll find it, i wonder if 50 years down the road, i'll still be saying, i'll find it, i'll find it, i'll find the meaning to life. maybe only after living our lives and finally lying on our deathbeds will we then realise what's the meaning of life.
two fucking years of my life.
two 2009-11-12|4:39 p.m.
you'd think dogs are cute until you've lived with them,
i stood under a blooming flower and smiled,
i observed a squirrel playing on the school fence. i spotted a lime green lizard among the very artificially designed landscaping. i love doing things like these.
my aunt asked me,
"do you want anything from perth?" i feel like replying, "i want to be in perth."
love is overrated and it underperformed,
over and under. 2009-11-02|10:03 a.m.
i'm an idealist, never a realist,
and to inject pragmatism into every single thought and action of mine, it's draining, and it leaves me feeling very empty. i bawled, long time since i've done that. and i felt so much better today. maybe this so called realistic world views crying as a weakness, and does not tolerate emotions in professionalism...but maybe i see weaknesses as living a real life, as opposed to fulfilling duties responsibly and completing tasks dutifully. i just want to be who i am. and not feel guilty to be so,
i am so naughty to be doing this now...
but post a level schedule :D make jellyhearts
everyone has their own things to busy with,
everyone has their own company, and everyone happens to make choices that conflicts with mine. its just those unlucky moments when i really crave company, and then i'm left alone.... i can't blame anyone, cos nobody's obliged to be with me, at the same time, i'm going to quit smsing because people always forget to reply.
i'm a little upset...over nothingness.
lack of overwhelmness. 2009-10-25|3:29 p.m.
trying to crawl out of my more than 24 hours worth of slumber,
i hope i'm finally awake.
i thought yesterday was a pretty interesting day i had!
i woke up at 11am, had a good night's rest.
feels like a half equation of similarities and differences.
try hard to be different, equilibrium shifts, and situations stubbornly remains the same. be normal, and the equilibrium shifts and then suddenly everything's different, these days everything looks mundane on the surface, yet secretly i know, everything is changing a little each day. you're beginning to make me take pride in being just who i am.
hope plans for sydney melbourne falls through! (although i'm not supposed to think of this before A levels)
i wanna go i wanna go! 2009-10-11|10:13 a.m.
"Life is not for the faint-hearted"
faint hearted. 2009-10-06|5:35 p.m.
you're what's not.
no. 2009-10-06|5:33 p.m.
because unhappy things are meant to be forgotten.
hey, what would you do?
i have no idea why this whole blog is so stupidly emo.
it's a far cry from posts in 2008, how much can a year change someone! i'm choosing between being entirely emotionally independent and craving that little more care, concern and love. sometimes trusting only in yourself is good, but then again, it may be destructive.
i get very fed up when people think i slack just cos i'm an immature bitch who just wants the easy way out. i'm struggling each day to keep pushing myself to be more hardworking than before, and i totally hate it when people discredit me.
i've already had someone whom i thought i was close to do that to me, i've had enough.
baby,
you completed nothing on your to-do list. hate saturdays. hate migraines.
gelato.
vegetables tempura. charsiew ramen. 葱油拉面 红油抄手 tori q. koi bubble tea. potato wedges. :( 2009-10-04|4:09 p.m.
panadol extra on an empty stomach.
coffee and nothing else for the day. do you think people care about you? that's how the world works.
hwachong needs to seriously up it's education programme.
teachers need to stop being such drones, i think this whole hwachong thing is just, throw everything to you and mug mug mug.
if it was freedom i robbed you of,
then you robbed me of my happiness. life goes on for you, free and easy. you covered every single aspect of life in this grey blanket of listlessness. and i cannot smile at a blooming flower anymore.
i will always remember this pain you inflicted.
forever. 2009-09-28|7:59 p.m.
i detest the feeling when my eraser splits.
split personality. 2009-09-27|12:06 p.m.
"let fire be your servant and not your master."
i think it applies to internet too.
when was the last time,
she had sparkle in her eyes, when her cheeks glow radiantly, when she laughed a hearty laugh, when she closed her eyes and thought, life could've never been better. when was, 2009-09-24|9:12 p.m. “the price of discipline is always less than the pain of regret” this is my self reminder. 2009-09-20|6:04 p.m.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
– Mark Twain quote of the day. 2009-09-19|3:16 p.m.
am procastinating cos i really am very reluctant to start on my physics revision...
came across this while reading today's papers. (in a response to the decline of the level of interest in physics among students, by Lui Pao Chuen) bingo. i don't think its a perception among students though, it's a fact. i'm not putting the blame on hwachong for my horrific physics results. but hey, i chose to pursue a higher education in physics, and there was a reason for doing so, not that i had a lack of choice or whatsoever. i genuinely had some degree of interest in the subject, but alas when i came to jc, came to hwachong, it was completely doused and snuffed out. firstly, the teachers are really bad at instilling passion in the subject. they are hardly inspirational. i've always seen myself as someone who is curious, who wants to learn about things. i feel excited when i buy newspapers in the morning, receive a new copy of national geographic or even a new set of chemistry notes. i'm not a lazy learner, but i admit i'm a lazy student. i hate drilling, i hate practices, although these are essentials to fully comprehend and appreciate a theory, a concept, a skill. i especially don't like to do it if i have no interest in it.(like physics and math) i know i'm not an airhead who knows nothing. i know a hell load of things that people don't. and i'm always keen on picking up facts and ideas. but they are always facts and ideas inapplicable to academia progress. i'm really sick of being overshadowed by academic overachievers, i look stupid when i'm among them. so much so that someone told me that the first time he met me, he felt that i'm shrouding myself in an aura of inferiority. wow. it's contradicting, i don't want to mug and not learn, but i also don't like the fact that people look down on you because of your results, that's how judgemental people are. guess that's how society is.
on a sidenote,
i've met people who are both learners AND students, and they strike a harmonious balance between fulfilling duties of both, and work and play hard.
they make me soooooooooooooper envious.
Justina took the The real "true colors" quiz quiz and got the result: Blue..
Blue: Values: Joys: Strengths: Needs: Frustrations: At work you have a strong desire to influence others so they may lead more significant lives. You often work in the arts, communication, education, and helping professions. You are adept at motivating and interacting with others. In love you seek harmonious relationships. You are a true romantic and believe in perfect love that lasts forever. You bring drama, warmth, and empathy to relationships. You enjoy sysmbols of romance such as flowers, candlelight, and music and cherish the small gestures of love. In childhood you were extremely imaginative and found it difficult to fit into the structure of school life. You reacted with great sensitivity to discordance or rejection and sought recognition. You responded to encouragement
justina! stop blogging emo rubbish and write some stuff with depth!!
maybe i'm just a shallow person :(
i look around, and all i see is mess mess mess.
i close my eyes, all i think of is mess mess mess. it's a huge mess, everything's a big pile of mess i need to clear.
if i fall into a pool of mud,
i won't get out immediately. i'll say "heck" and then wade in the mud, lay down, and mud bake myself in the sun. mud 2009-09-13|1:07 p.m.
nothing ever works out the way they should be,
and i think subconsciously i don't really care anymore, it's not like i've never tried..sometimes i try too hard and screw things up, hard work, sincerity, effort does not equate results, recognition, success nor satisfaction. yes, not even that little bit of satisfaction, six years of your life you've been lagging behind, six years later you'll eventually get sick and tired of catching up. even if you've caught up once, you can't keep up the pace, and you'll lag behind again. you're better than the masses, but no, you're not good, you're overshadowed by all the overachievers surrounding you, there's nothing good about you. i'm so numb to all these uncompleteness,
why has my life become such a mess,
i'm really detesting myself. messed 2009-09-11|2:50 p.m.
and my emotions are nuclear.
nuclear. 2009-09-08|10:51 a.m.
我不够认份 所以怕再为谁作出牺牲
爱要有天份 所以我始终学不会放任 我不够天真 不允许我傻傻的等 对自己残忍 多残忍 我要有分寸 我太过认真 所以才相信所谓的永恒 无辜的人 很需要叹气声 这样的女生
我知道我要走出来。
就差一步。 就差我跨过这条线。 我现在就蹲在这条线的前面，我盯着这条线。 决定，在我自己手中。 我为什么，还在犹豫。
focus.
i can't 2009-09-06|11:57 a.m.
it's like climbing a ladder,
you have to conquer each rung step by step, but if you miss your footing just for that moment, you come falling down, and all your efforts are wasted. i wonder if it really makes you stronger.
i think i am self destructive.
- 2009-09-03|1:11 p.m.
it's a test of character.
grow up please, justina! 2009-09-03|12:38 p.m.
我确实说 我这样说 我不在乎结果
我对你说 我有把握 成功例子好多 人们虚假又造作 总爱得不温不火 我们用真心就不会有差错 我没想过我会难过 你竟然离开我 爱沿着拋物线 离幸福 总降落得差一点 我好想说 我只想说 我不要这后果 |